The other half of me

You would think this is a post about how my husband completes me.
But it is not, although he does complete me.

You could think this is about a massive weight loss success story--a girl of 300 lbs loses 150 lbs and becomes a new woman.
But I didn't do that, quite thankfully

You perhaps might wonder if this is a post about how grumpy I am at home after putting on a happy face for all to see on Facebook or in public. Not quite. I do wonder if all the Facebook posting we do about our accomplishments and good things in our lives makes us more "virtual" and less "real".  Don't wanna talk about that right now, though.

This IS about me exercising the other half of my brain--the academic part that studied eyes and how the cranial nerves innervate the muscles causing cyclotorsion and how phenylephrine will stimulate the alpha adrenergic receptors on the iris dilator muscle. Now that was just showing off. Shame on me.


Not really, because here is the thing.  I love eyes. I studied them for a reason. We paid to learn about them, so I should know quite a bit about them, and you should want me to know about them so I can help you with them when your eyelid twitches rhythmically and no one else can see it but you. Or, when you sneeze when you walk outside.  Every time.  Yes, I learned about that stuff, including why the sky is blue.




But for a season, I've been more of a cook, a mother, and a friend.  I spent the first 10 years of my educated life being, well... educated!  Studying, practicing optometry, and paying off those loans that helped me learn about blue skies and refraction.  Then, all the security I had built up by having my world organized and know-able went out the door as we stepped onto the airplane to Jordan.

I became someone who knew nothing.

I had to learn from people who didn't even go to high school.  They knew how to cook and where to shop.  They taught me how to make people feel at home in my house.
I had to learn another language that I stunk at speaking for 3 years or so. I sounded very uneducated, on the level of a 7 year old at best. I sometimes cried like a 7 year old, too.

It was the season of my undoing.

But you know what? I found another half of me inside all my external layers of self-worth and all the padding I had added to my life so that no one would ever think I didn't know squat. That other half of me was needing cultivation and had 8 years to grow. I became a softer, more understanding, and hopefully more humble person.  I learned to appreciate watering the garden and seeing the blooms change. I had time to jog and look at the landscape and wonder who had trod here before me. I learned how not to argue with everything I didn't agree with, but to listen and wonder. I lived as that half of me for my years in Jordan, happily.

But then we returned to the USA; the land of opportunity where I have catching up to do. I need to get my brain firing again. I am asking God to merge the loving, listening half of me with the eye doctor half of me.  I need to be fully Leigh Anne--and not only slip back into being the half that is clinical.  No, that would waste the cultivated heart that God pruned through my undoing.  I can't do that to my Loving Father God. He wants for me to be a light unto this world by being fully who He made me to be.

 Fully Me--two halves.

I hope you enjoyed this and are sparked to wonder about your own self. I hope you are challenged to step outside of your comfort areas and see where may have a hidden half somewhere inside. If you choose to cultivate it, you may love who you become. Full, but not 300 lbs.

Marhaba Ya'll

We did it. We moved.

After 8 years of life in the Middle East, we packed what we deemed keep able into 15 trunks and 6 duffel bags and moved back to Texas.

Last day of 1st grade in Jordan

As I was saying goodbye to so many wonderful people, I was convinced more than ever that our years were well spent, investing in the lives of a precious group of Arab people, and working alongside a precious group of American people. So, if days were currency, we spent them.
We lived them.
We did not put them in our pockets for a rainy day.
Good thing, because it didn't rain much in the desert.

We are ready to use the lessons we learned about God as our provider and leader, about people, about understanding others, and about investing in others' lives to begin a new chapter.

Our Texas homeland is organized. The roads are well paved. All the houses are master planned in rows. But, still people here need to know God intimately, so we want to share how He has met our physical needs, and how He was and IS our friend in lonely times.


Some things I hope to enjoy:
1. Smooth roads
2. Air conditioning
3. Wearing skirts
4. Nearness to family
5. A quiet outdoors without horns, mosque speakers, and loud cars

Some things I suspect I'll miss:
1. Cheap produce and hummus/felafel
2. Dry, cool breeze blowing in from the Mediterranean over Israel at night
3. Sitting on my balcony, enjoying that weather
4. Jogging in the hills
5. Simple living


My challenge is to search for the hidden treasures in the nature around me here--to slow down enough to look at the flowers here, and walk in the rain showers. Really, if I don't "do" my hair, then I can enjoy the rain as it falls on my head, rather than being frustrated it is messing up my perfect "do."  My challenge is to find the same, quiet place of peace and solitude even though my internet moves at light speed and the TV has recorded ever show known to man. Seriously, the phones here sync to your car speakers and things talk to you!! Technology has moved on while I was hanging out with the sheep and camels.

God is the same, yesterday and today. He is the same provider, friend, and father to Americans and Arabs.

I have nothing to fear.

I only have new challenges to work through...important ones like how to make my own hummus.

Miles to go before I sleep

A few days ago, I was thinking of the good-byes we had already said.
Then I realized all we still have left to finish. 

LA and girls at our first Christmas overseas, Lydia still a bun in the oven

You see, we have lived in the Middle East for 8 years now, but this time we hear a voice in our hearts--which we believe to be God leading us--telling us it is time to move back to the US.  We have a new job to do; maybe it is a continuation of the one we started here, or maybe something altogether different. We shall see--

So, I'm thinking...


Wow, we have been saying goodbye to many friends that can't fully understand why we are leaving. Being Arab, their hearts respond first, then their heads chime in with reason.  They are a wonderfully passionate people who can really cook well, BTW! They do hear us when we say we love them and their country, but it is time for us to leave. My husband's friend even tried to pull together all the men of influence in his life to have an intervention of sorts--to plead with him, and persuade him not to leave.  Apparently this works sometimes--but not with us. Not when you've sensed a "niggling" (is that really a word?) in your heart and prayed about what to do. When you know it is God speaking to you about a direction for the future, no intervention, or "juha" as it is named here, can get in your way.

That is when, from the depths of my memory, Robert Frost's poem came to my mind.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.   

His house is in the village though;   

He will not see me stopping here   

To watch his woods fill up with snow.   

My little horse must think it queer   

To stop without a farmhouse near   

Between the woods and frozen lake   

The darkest evening of the year.   

He gives his harness bells a shake   

To ask if there is some mistake.   

The only other sound’s the sweep   

Of easy wind and downy flake.   

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

----------------------
If the woods were my home here in the Middle East for 8 years, and my little horse "thinking it queer" are all the wonderful family and friends who had a difficult time seeing us relocate to our "house in the woods" for this season, then it also seems likely that I can make a final parallel in saying goodbye.  I loved the last stanza about how the woods are lovely, but, indeed, promises have to be fulfilled and I do have to move on before I sleep.  We must move on the next place and finish our lives well--fulfilling our promises to God and obeying.

And sometimes, I just focus on the "miles to do before I sleep" part as the long to-do list. It is 12:30 am here and I am wide awake typing, so .....yeah.... I'm afflicted.

Girls all grown up after 8 years...

The Woods here have been good to us, yet--rather more like a desert wouldn't you say?



additional poetry notes for the nerds out there:

Frost wrote the poem in June, 1922 at his house in Shaftsbury, Vermont.  He had been up the entire night writing the long poem "New Hampshire" and had finally finished when he realized morning had come. He went out to view the sunrise and suddenly got the idea for "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening". He wrote the new poem "about the snowy evening and the little horse as if I'd had a hallucination" in just "a few minutes without strain." --notes taken from Wikipedia

Bye, Ya'll!!!

I'm Texas bound in one week, but eating felafel and hummus every other day until then. 

 

Lessons learned even though I am not in high school

My apologies on my absence.
Did the principal not send a substitute blogger?
Oh man....
That's right, this is not high school.

Goats tromping down my street....

I've been busy packing our home of 8 years in order to come back to America. And I have been learning many a lesson in the season of uncertainty.


1. I hate dust and dirt. Every piece of furniture we sell reveals an empty footprint on the floor. I run right over and sweep up the months, or in some cases, years of dirt that had been hidden. I can't stand it!

2. One family's trash is another one's treasure. Case in point--my folding kitchen table was low on my "cool furniture to sell list" but one lady with a very small efficiency apartment had been praying to find one like it.

3. Trash bags can get heavy really fast when cleaning out drawers.
             3a. our dumpster is farther away than it looks
             3b. there is nearly always a cat or two inside the dumpster
                    i.    cats jump out when you throw stuff inside. beware!!

4.  The Amman hills, breeze, and smelly sheep all are sweeter than they were last month, since I know that I am leaving soon.
              4a. friends, too, but not in this order necessarily.

5. I improvise for many things with plastic gladware/tupperware that once was only relegated for food. Now for anything---holding keys, mail, money and even serving macaroni! Multipurpose has a true meaning

6. God still meets me for my personal quiet time, even though my couch is gone. I can sit anywhere.

7. All a person really needs is one coffee cup, washed over and over again.

8. I was overly dependent on my electronic devices for happiness. When I sold my iPhone, I was out of sorts for nearly a week. How can I praise God without listening to music from my phone in the mornings? Uh oh. Lesson learned.
             8a. I won't elaborate on when my computer broke and I couldn't email. That threw me down    another notch.
             8b. Trey's PS3 broke and we realized we were certainly learning much about living simply

                     ***putting in a good word for old fashioned pen and paper and CDs. maybe hymnals and guitars, too. ....They don't break as easily as computers do.

9. God will provide for us, over and over again--as sure as the sun rises, and it does every day. Right after the mosque calls the neighborhood to pray before sunrise at 430 am.

10. I am richer than I ever imagined I could be, especially after resigning from a great job in eye care and selling a custom home in a secluded neighborhood off the Brazos river in 2004. Rich in love and experience and things money could never buy. I am so thankful....

More later friends--

This blogger has to get off the borrowed computer and get to bed (aka mattress on the floor)

Every day has lessons to learn. Even if we aren't in high school.

Jesus Wuz Here

Time to go on a date with one of the kids---

Let's see.  Camryn has been asking to go eat Spring Rolls (random I know, but you should know Camryn) on a date with me. Ok. AND let's add something else.

A road trip!  To see the northernmost Jordanian city that overlooks the Sea of Galilee!  (modern name UmmQais)

ruins of...best guess??

She was excited to go, but honestly, the Spring Rolls sold the deal for her. The car ride was sweet, through the hilly countryside in North Jordan.  Once we arrived, we began climbing old rocks of the ancient city, built over 2000 years ago. Ruins of buildings, colonnaded streets--these still remain.  We found lizards and wildflowers, but where is the view we came for? The Sea of Galilee?



Finally we walk close enough to the downhill slope to view the sea. Cam asks, "Can we at least put our feet in the sea before we leave?" Sorry, honey, but no.  That land is heavily guarded in between Israel and Syria--no toe dipping in this millennium.

I was moving slowing, thinking about Jesus being in this land, even for a brief visit.  I was imagining the pigs running off the mountain side after Jesus cast the demons out of the sick men.

Camryn was loving just meandering, and climbing stuff. 

a colonnaded street

We did eventually leave and head back home for Chinese food and Spring Rolls as a finale to our Biblical sight seeing day. She told me it was a great time and was especially thankful for the 2 Spring Rolls all to herself. Usually, in this family of four kids, we share quite a bit.


 

Ahh, the view to the sea, with Israel across the sea to Israel

As I read more in the Bible about this occurrence in the Gadarene region, I was sad to find out what the last verse says.... 

He came to the other side ( of the sea of Galilee) into the country of the Gadarenes, two men who were demon-possessed met Him as they were coming out of the tombs. They were so extremely violent that no one could pass by that way.   And they cried out, saying, “What business do we have with each other, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before the time?”  Now there was a herd of many swine feeding at a distance from them.The demons began to entreat Him, saying, “If You are going to cast us out, send us into the herd of swine.   And He said to them, “Go!” And they came out and went into the swine, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and perished in the waters. The herdsmen ran away, and went to the city and reported everything, including what had happened to the demoniacs. And behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus; and when they saw Him, they implored Him to leave their region.       Matthew 8:28ff

 

The people were so afraid of the power he demonstrated that they begged Jesus to leave their region. Well, he did. He got back on a boat and went back across the sea to Capernaum and the surrounding areas. He continued miraculous works across the sea, where more people rejected him, yet some did accept.

Phooey. Jesus left from this area quickly, but not without performing a miracle. A few here understood His power. A few.

May they ever multiply......

 

How does 'beautiful' feel?

I notice my nails. I need a manicure.
I look at my face. I need to scrub my skin, moisturize my wrinkles, and trim my hair.

Me me me me me memememe

If I'm looking for a way to sink into a hole of self-consuming thoughts and focus on the faults of my body--that will do it. 

Looking into mirrors and trying to find faults.

The teeth can be whiter, and the list goes on.

There is rarely enough to be done to be perfect, because the standard changes with what society tells us is perfect.

What if we didn't care what beautiful looked like and instead focused on what beautiful feels like?

Beautiful feels like.....

happiness.

smiles.

contentment.

peace.

 

Especially raising girls, whom the world will eventually try to tell are too fat, too tall, too short, with hair too straight--I find it IMPERATIVE....that's right, I'm saying imperative....to focus on the strength of character that it takes to be beautiful from the inside out. I try to reinforce good hygiene (yea, me!) but more than that, we encourage kindness, sharing, acts of service. And, it begins at home.  When we hear unkind or critical speech amongst the girls, or undue whining--it is our job to talk to them about loving one another. Yes, I would rather ignore it and keep doing my thang, but my responsibility as their mother/role model is to instill love and confidence in them, and I can't allow our home to be a place where they feel attacked verbally.  

• Inner beauty takes longer to develop than beauty outside. It is more valuable, and it can't be destroyed as quickly.
• Inner beauty doesn't change with who's famous in Hollywood right now. Loving people are always cool.
• Inner beauty is attractive to others, because it draws other in, rather than pushes them away. Outer beauty tends to compare, but inner beauty tend to accept.
• Inner beauty truly does affect the outer shell as well. Smiles, a softness, a self-confidence that cannot be mimicked by hair dye and a manicure. Nor a fad diet.

Even if you aren't raising young ladies, you can focus on increasing the inner beauty God gave you. Before you work out your muscles, don't forget to "tend to your garden" and water your heart. Go without make up and a fancy hair-do if you must, but don't go without resting in the peace that passes all understanding. For me,  this can mean reading my Jesus Calling devo book (I have a link in an earlier post) and listening to some of my favorite worship music (see some of my links on side of page).  I sometimes sit near a window and think. I definitely need to quiet my worrying heart and listen for where God is asking me to serve another person, or step out and do something special today.  If I dare, I ask God what areas are ugly in my heart and need to change.  Inner beauty--

We are ugly in areas of our sin, and we need help to be more like Jesus. Day by day, 

2 Corinthians 3:18 says,  "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord"

PS: We all have extra fat somewhere. Get over it. You are still beautiful and handsome.

Spitters never win

Scenario from this morning in Amman--

Driving to Starbucks in an residential neighborhood
Two young teenage boys cross the street in front of my car.
I slow and motion for them to pass
Politely.

One of them turns and spits on my windshield as I drive past them.

What in the world could have incited him to do such a thing?

Spite? Hatred? Anger?

The only thing I can figure is that because I was female or a foreigner. Either way, a puny reason to spit. (IMO: there is never a good reason to spit except at the dentist)  He didn't see my clothing, nor could he tell my nationality for him to pass a judgment on me, other than the two seconds he saw me as I waved them on in front of my car.

Isn't it outrageous?  After being irritated for 5 seconds, I sprayed water on the windshield and washed away the undeserved evidence. I didn't roll down my window and yell at him or anything, because the battle for this young man is bigger than correcting his actions of spitting at my car.

Somehow, he believes lies about who he is and what is worthy of praise.  Some people actually believe that just because you are female, that deserves spitting. Or of a different race. Or class of society. Or religion.
Either way, they are all incorrect assumptions. I hurt for someone so tangled up on the inside they think that spitting on someone else makes them higher up in society than others. This young man needs another young man to walk with him and teach him the ways of God.  I have a suspicion that his parents aren't involved in shaping his character.

Trey is reading a book , which I'm hesitant to read, about the early believers and the persecution they underwent.  Being spit upon would have been an easy day for them, it seems. Trey phrased it, "they really didn't love their lives unto death"  That is taken from Revelation 12, but it seems a bit hard to understand. What I understand is: The believers of old loved their Lord so much, that the love of their own lives/ safety/ worldly security was secondary to their love of serving God.  Beautiful....

How can we make loving the Lord our first priority every day? I don't have the answers,but I would think the answer lies within you. Just ask and see what He says. Someone might be asked to reach out to the youth of this nation and teach them not to spit. Or cuss. Or tease people.

I hope you and I both try to love our own lives a bit less today.

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.

Waffles--Everybody loves waffles! (Or does nobody waffle like I do?)

Waffles.
If you choose to read further, you'll see how this all relates because of the beauty of the English Language.


So, when the Shrek movies came out, I remember sitting in the theater with Trey, laughing SO hard with my knees pulled up to my chest. Donkey, especially, really said very funny things with lots of excitable utterances. I almost purchased a stuffed Donkey one year at Christmas.
Decided against it.
Thankfully, I rewatch these moves every now and then on DVD with the kids. Click the link for an 11 second byte of waffles.

That waffle byte fun and calorie-free, but I would like to share with you more than my Shrek memories

I think I finally learned that I am nobody.

A paradoxical thought, because I truly believe I am somebody.

What?

Yes. You might as well stop reading this jibberish.
Why is this post about waffles but not really? Have you been tricked?

Let us rephrase--

I am a nobody in these ways:

1. I don't have all the answers
2. I am not the only person who can do a job well
3. If I had to leave my place here in my country, or in my current job, someone else could and would come along and fill my position.

Yet, I am truly a somebody in these ways:

1. God created me for a purpose and I can exhibit His gifts in me to the world around me.
2. I am super important to my family. I am a somebody of great worth to them.
3. I can love others and show them how God loves them through my actions.

I waffle between these two extremes at times, thinking I have all the answers and no one can explain post-operative refractive surgery directions like I can.  (Put this medicine in your eye.... I mean, really.  How hard is my job?  What am I even thinking?)  Then, there are days, when I don't even feel like I have a purpose much outside of cooking and cleaning the house over and over again.

So--as in many things in life, I come to rest on the obvious fact that the truth lies in between. I am a somebody, yet a nobody.

The danger in falling completely on one side or the other is that I become riddled with  Pride or Worthlessness depending on which waffle I'm waffling with that day.
Belgian or American.
I say we choose NEITHER waffle and opt for muffins.

Live in the balance of knowing our worth, yet recognizing our insignificance.
Being willing and humble servants, yet bold warriors as we go forth in this world.

Happy Waffling!



Homonym - a word the same as another in sound and spelling but different in meaning
waffle:  (noun) A light crisp battercake baked in a waffle iron.
waffle: (verb) To vacillate; or to pause or hold back in uncertainty or unwillingness

WELL DONE: more than meat. A mother's committment to change.

Have you wondered what your family likes about you? How about what they don't like---don't want to hear that one so much.
I can see some things I do that the girls like. Then, I see how some of my words pierce their heart and wound them.  I try to say "sorry" when I see them hurting. Years ago, I was slower to apologize, and now I'm just....less slow. I have a ways to go till Jesus gives me the "well done, good and faithful servant" speech.

I asked each one of the girls a couple of questions.

What do I do for you that makes you feel loved?

What did I do to you that hurt you? 

It is not fun to see the ways my wrongs are displayed here, but in all honesty, here we go!

Camryn Leigh
Age 12.5
Nickname Cammie, Cam, Camma Lamma Ding Dong

Q: What is something I did that made you feel loved and happy?

A: When you had such a busy week and you still let me throw a party with my friends. You didn't surrender to your tiredness because you wanted to help me and let me have a fun time.

Q: What is one thing you wish I hadn't done

A: When we were all making Christmas cookies together one year and we spilled flour. You got mad and threw a cookie cutter, it broke, and I was scared because I thought you were gonna throw me.

Yes, dear. I am sorry. A big "low five" to mom on that one. Ruin the happy-joy Christmas memories.


Mattie Marcell
Age 14
Nickname:  Mattie Tattie, Mat

Q:  What is something I do that you like? Something that makes you feel loved?

A: When you drive me places. You are willing to do things for me, even though you are busy

Q: What is something that you don't like?

A: That you always want the house clean, and if it's not, you tend to get mad at people.

Shoot. I really do want the house clean, but need to prioritize loving the kids over cleaning.

Both older daughters laughed when they remembered this next incident of overreaction.

Q: What is a time when I overreacted

A:  When were all 3 hanging out laundry out on our back balcony. Socks kept flying down below to the neighbor's dog. You got really mad and threw a hanger at the tree. It is still there after 2 years--even through snow, hail, sleet, rain, dust storms, wind --everything!

Great. The proof remains to remind me of my overreaction. Seriously. I see the hanger stuck in the tall cedar tree and giggle now.

Lora Gayle
Age: 9
Nickname: Chicken Wing, Lora Bora

Q: What is something that I do that you like and makes you feel loved?

A:  You always spend time with me and make me laugh by saying "woop wooooop!"


Q: What makes you feel sad and when you don't feel loved

A:  When you yell at us to do chores and we don't know what to do. You yell at us when we are trying our best.

There goes the chores again. I knew I had been over-emphasizing chores. I like things clean, but I need to like my kids more. Mom Fail--yelling when she is trying to do her best. Ouch.

Lydia Anastasia
Age 7
Nickname: Lyd Squid, Lyddie, Lyds


Q: What makes you feel happy and loved?
A:  Well, I like about you that you go on dates and you love us. You make food for us.


Q: What is something I did that made you feel sad?
A: Well,  a long time ago you yelled at me that I was the last one to get dressed after school.  It made me feel like I was the last one in your heart. It made me sad.

In no way did I intend that. I meant she was last to obey, not last in my heart. But the enemy tricked her into hearing more. Thank goodness we resolved this one right away. I remember this day.


I see where I have missed the mark. I pray to change and become less focused on chores. Not throwing them out altogether, though. Hey--I'm teaching responsibility and respect here, too. But, less yelling would be nice.
I am thankful to see how they feel loved--each one is unique. Some appreciate the acts of service and some appreciate the quality time. I know better how to best spend my love to get the biggest impact. I am certain I need all the help I can get, with all the yelling and throwing I seem to do. I never considered myself much of a thrower, but the times I do leave a bad mark on my reputation.

Do you have questions you can ask your loved ones?
Honest feedback is revealing--it may hurt or sting your self-image, but then you can realize your shortcomings and change. For the better.

Well done, good and faithful servant.  

That is the prize!

"Hell up" mentality

When what you already have just isn't enough, its time to re-evaluate your standards.

When you find yourself longing for tomorrow and wishing you could re-live yesterday instead of enjoying today, you miss the simple in-and-out breathing of today.

Every breath

counts

Every day is precious--today, even
Every life makes a difference--yours, most definitely.

If you think I'm waxing eloquent, you might ask someone who has fought a life-threatening illness how precious every day, every moment, every breath seems--when the possibility of losing them is eminent.

I recently "suffered" in a steam room with my daughter and her friends. I joke because I was having a great time chaperoning the teens.  However, the steam was oppressive!  It just kept rolling in thicker and thicker until I couldn't see the people around me, and was breathing a a heavy, moist air...until someone opened the door to the outside and fresh, cold air poured in. Oh, to breathe again! I was so thankful to have that outside air--air that I breathed just minutes before without even considering it. It made me chuckle at how we don't appreciate something until we've been deprived of it for a season, or 5 minutes--as it was in my steam room.

One Ramadan here in Jordan, my friends and I fasted as prescribed by the Muslim faith, so we could share in the lifestyle of our friends who were doing the same thing.  No food or drink from sunup till sundown. I have never been more thankful for water in my life than at sundown that month.  Normally, I pine for Diet Coke, or bread products when I fast--but as water was denied me, I cried out for what was once so common. 

Is there something in your life so common that you forget to thank God for it? It helps me to just look around and thank God every now and then. Some other moms I know have said "the mounds of laundry and dishes remind me to thank God I have healthy kids". Come to think of it, my own mother never loved dirty laundry as much as my Freshman year at Baylor when I'd come home to visit.  

I am reminded to be aware of the preciousness of everyday life, being thankful for it all. Even trials--these trials serve to deepen our character and make us thankful for the things we once took for granted.
In the Bible, the book of James speaks much on this matter-

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Our pastor, Jimmy, coined the phrase "Hell up mentality," which means: being a sinner, I deserve Hell, so everything I get to experience is better than the Hell I actually deserve. When Hell is on one side of the scale, everything else starts to look reeeaaaal good compared to the alternative.  

So I ask myself, and I ask you...

What is good today?

Where is God blessing you?

Have you thanked God for being your provider, protector, and providing us with more than we deserve?

There is never a better time than the present to begin.

No regrets!!!!

A great Love

I have been inspired to live a life of LOVE like never before. I'm reading a very intense, very inspiring book called Present Perfect by Gregory Boyd.  I read it in bits and pieces off my iphone and try to let the words sink in.

See others through God's eyes

I choose to look at people through God, using God as my glasses colored with His love for them.

--Frank Laubach as quoted in Present Perfect

Paul says nothing matters except having a faith that is energized by, and characterized by, love (Galatians 5:6) All the law and the prophets hang on living in this love 
(Matthew 22:37-40)

But the author (rightly) points out that we tend to love those who reciprocate it, or we love those who have something to offer us in terms of worth and security.  True, sacrificial love comes from loving the unloved and--dare I say it--our enemies. That is a different, not so fun, thing.

Here is what I'm learning:  When I remember I have all the acceptance and love I will ever need from Jesus Christ, I am full. This world cheats me and makes me forget that I really am OK, even without the new Spring 2012 collection from Aeropostle.  It is extremely difficult to remember because my flesh so often wants to rule my thoughts and emotions, but I really am 100% loved and accepted as I am.  When I remember this (living what I believe in faith) , I can then focus all my attention on loving others, rather than comparing myself to them, or feeling offended when they weren't nice to me.

I can only live a life ruled by LOVE when I remember that I am LOVED as well. I hope you know how much this idea can change your life.

Some action point ideas I have:

God loves this guy (and I love that bread)

1. Smile a lot. Too many blank faces and iphone screen absorbed humans out there. Show 'em your eyes, people! It's like seeing a written letter from your child, scribbled in pencil after a day full of Times New Roman computer text. Simple human contact--it is the best.
 

2. When you have a complimentary thought about someone, tell them. SAY IT. It will build them up, and encourage them. We are all too often afraid of being lesser than someone else, we withhold blessing so we can all stay down in the pit together--no one better than another. A fairly pitiful situation.

3.  Take a few minutes to prepare things to help others.  In the past, we have prepared grocery bags with food to give away to the needy when they came to the door. I put in some fun reading material, too--hoping they could read.  When bags weren't already made, and when the needs came, it made me feel irritated that someone was bothering me in the midst of my busy life. (sad, but true)  With my husband's urging, I made more grocery bags again today. Maybe I'll even put one in the car to keep under the seat for when I'm out and about, which is practically 80% of my day. Now that the bags are made, I'm looking for the opportunity to give them out.  Same with old clothes--once they are bagged and categorized, I'm looking for a place to distribute them.

God loves this man

 

4.   Ask people good questions and really listen for the answers.  Is there something else they want to say as well? Are they depressed or sad and afraid to admit it? Is there a follow up question that needs to be asked? My husband is the best at this. I have learned that I have far to go in this area of showing love. Not my strength....Lord, help me.

God loves this boy and his sticky lollipop hands in the eye clinic

5. Be willing to serve.  Some people go on service projects to donate their talents or time for the needy. I encourage us all to find ways to serve others in our community and around the world. I could go on and on about this passion in my heart.

This kind of daily, sacrificial love might really take me some time to embrace, but I shall be trying.  However, pure dogged effort will eventually die away like a diet plan.  OK.  Well then, You and I can be transformed by our belief that God has loved us (John 3:16).

Transformation stays. Zealous effort does not.

Through transformation, we can begin to reject our flesh that says "That person is your enemy. They don't love you. Walk away.. Don't be nice to them. Retaliate." And we don't have to be so self-absorbed and needy that we only love others to meet our own needs for acceptance and worth.  We already have all the worth we could ask for in the eyes of God. This great Love is my motivation.

Awesome white cake --that is, if you like delicious

Are you ready to 'up' your cake making abilities? I wanted to make a great vanilla/white choc cake for my friend's birthday, so I turned to allrecipies.com.   I love easy help like that! CLICK---I searched for a cake mix extender, meaning I add stuff to a box mix and make it bigger and better.  The reviews were great, so I tried it. I was wanting a cake that would be yummy, and  also be easy to flip out of the pan for decoration.  I found it.
I made it for the party, doubling it to make enough for 40 or 50 people. Everyone said it was delicious, so I wanted to share the recipe.  It was super easy and fun to make a great cake with ease.

Behold. I bring you---

White Almond Wedding Cake

• 1 (18.25 ounce) package white cake mix
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 cup white sugar
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/3 cups water
• 1 cup sour cream
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 teaspoon almond extract
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 4 egg whites

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Grease and flour an 11x13 inch cake pan.( I used a large round non stick pan. Crisco then flour)
2. Stir together the white cake mix, flour, sugar, and salt in a large bowl until well mixed. Pour in the water, sour cream, vegetable oil, almond and vanilla extracts, and egg whites, and beat with an electric mix on low until all the ingredients are mixed and moistened but some lumps still remain, 4 minutes.( I just mixed well with a fork)
3. Pour the batter into the prepared cake pan, and bake in the preheated oven until the top is a light golden brown and a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean, about 25 minutes. Allow to cool before frosting. ( I let it cool, eased it away from the edges with a knife and turned it upside down to slowly drop out on the platter.  Even if it doesn't come out perfectly from the pan, patch it together and the icing will cover your broken cake)

 

My icing--

• 1/2 cup crisco, butter flavor or regular  (I have made it with all crisco or all butter as well. The blend gives the best texture and flavor)
• 1/2 cup butter, room temperature
• 1-2 tsp vanilla flavoring 
• optional 1 tsp almond flavoring
• 4 -4 1/2 cups powdered sugar. ( I start with 2 cups, then add milk alternating to achieve consistency)
• 5-6 TBSP milk--adding more or less for consistency

1. First, mix the crisco/butter with hand mixer for blending and consistency. 
2. Next, add flavorings.
3. Begin by adding 2 cups of the powdered sugar and 3-4 TBSP milk, mixing with hand mixer
4. Lastly, add the remaining 2+  cups of sugar and 2-3 more TBSP of milk.  
5. Tweak it as you feel the need.  It ain't written in stone.

For this cake, I put fresh strawberries between the layers for color and flavor.  Then the idea came to me to put a ring of berries around the cake. It helped hide the icing blunders and added color and flavor. Yes!

I hope you put this to use and enjoy it. I have made it 3 times now, but this effort was the biggest yet.

Shepherding

I have been delaying writing. Embarrassed to put into print how uninspiring I feel right now.

Then I thought---

Whatever. Spill your beans.
This is the real deal. A Simple life.

Wake up.
Hit snooze button once, maybe
Stumble to kitchen.
Prepare sandwiches and lunches for the "princesses" as my Mom calls them. I say--humans that live with me when it is early in the AM and they won't roll out of bed.
Try to brush the little girls' hair and remove the bed-head look.
Play soft worship music.
Prepare school bags for the day.
Eat breakfast, most often cereal, but sometimes homemade muffins. On those days, the baking happens right after the "stumble to kitchen" part.  It isn't pretty.
Start coffee.
Remind them to make their beds and pick up the PJs that are on the floor. (Seriously, I say it everyday)
Encourage bible reading time or quiet listening to the music playing
Get 'em out the door with a smile.
Encourage the occasional straggler that is cramming books into her backpack that her day will be blessed.  "We are praying for you, honey!"

One hour of my day is now finished.

I don't love this morning routine, but adding the praise music playing on the ever-convenient iPhone allows us to have an underlying peace in the kitchen as we all gather in various states of consciousness and happiness. The praise music blesses me, at least, and then I can be less of a grump for them.  

Less of a grump, you see how honest I am? This is no sunny-side-up blogger you have here.

We are "encouraging" bible reading and quiet music soaking time. We were doing a group bible study, led by faithful Daddy, but the kids were too quickly zoning out in the 7 am study. Yeah, I can't come down too hard on them either. Even if you like what is being said, it is hard to focus on someone else talking at 7 am. Still knowing we needed to do something to remind them that the day ahead isn't all about the world around us, but about God as well, we began plain ol' "quiet time".

With all that is in me, I am trying not to push them into time with God as a duty on the morning check list, right after making the bed, but rather, after experiencing it as life-giving, hoping they will seek it out on their own.

My goal is to facilitate this time and provide a soft spot to land. I am their mother, not their spiritual boss. As much as I would like to tell them what to do, I cannot, in the end, control their relationship with God.  Just like I can't control their relationship with friends. I can't tell them how to be polite or loving, but I can show them by example and we can correct actions that we see. They must choose, but I can guide and lead by example. And pray for them, of course. Some people call this Shepherding.

I am realizing that I can't control their actions, even though I want them to be great young ladies. I can't holler at  them-- HEY, get in here and READ YOUR BIBLE! and have that count as a quiet time that connects with God. It may make me feel better about my mothering, knowing I've worked in a quiet time for them that day, but it may not do anything to increase their love for God. Perhaps, it could instill a bitterness about a quiet time. And, I never would never want to be a stumbling block. Someone might tie a millstone around my neck and drown me. (If you don't understand this, I'm sorry for the crude reference)

I waffle over these options : Do I set up bible time and ask them to follow it out of obedience and hope the heart follows it? Or, do I encourage the heart of love for God and hope that the routine of daily bible and quiet time overflows from that?

I don't claim to know the answer, and I suppose we have a mixed jury on the results out there, but I am going to say for now that I am trying to facilitate the heart of love for God by creating the space in the day, but letting my child develop her own path.We do the practical helps: play music, provide bibles, help remind them it is time, encourage journaling, and provide interesting devo websites or books. But they fill out their time. Then, it is truly their journey and their relationship with God. Not Mom and Dad's God that they are trying to follow.

God is the Father of the children that live in my house.
My husband and I are the pastors along the journey.
Father calls them and leads them.
We guide and shepherd.
And cook, and clean, and ferry them around, and wipe noses.
It is an honor to be a Shepherdess

More than just smiling eyes

Is that Osama Bin Laden driving that Jeep?
Yes, I actually thought that, but I really didn't mean it.
What I meant was "A guy with a head scarf (hatta) and longish beard is driving that vehicle, which just happens to be a jeep."

He is most likely a great man, and not a terrorist.
I used to be surprised when people looking like this would smile or be polite.
 

Even closer to my heart, are those ladies wearing black veils.  Today, I was reminded how normal and precious they are.  I was blessed to visit an veiled American Arab woman today in her family's home city in Jordan.  She met my American friend while in Texas, and now she is in Jordan visiting her family.  One word: sweetheart.

Also, on this visit was a friend who is new in the country.  She hasn't met many Arab ladies, yet, but is destined to meet many more.  So this veiled woman, we'll call Angela, greets us with smiling eyes--for that is all we can see of her at this point. When we got settled, she pulled her veil up, revealing her round, happy  face, so that we ladies could talk together. We laughed, got to know each other, found some similarities and a possible new friendship.  We sipped strong coffee with sugar. We exchanged phone numbers and hope to see Angela again in America or in Jordan.  After goodbye hugs, she put down her veil, adjusted the eye openings, and headed down to the street a faceless young mother.

As we drove away, my friend who is new to the country made a wonderful observation:
Angela is just like us. A young mother. A friend. A laughing girl who loves to visit others. A young bride ready to go back to her husband. Seeking happiness and joy.
We felt honored that she would let us know the 'real' her, not keeping her veil down any longer than she had to.

Many people who dress like this are asked to do so by their family, and some by their own conviction.  Either way, they truly are normal people underneath the veil or behind the beard.  They have beliefs that guide their social behavior, but still human. I have beliefs that guide my behavior, too.

I believe that sometimes a smile and kindness blesses immensely.
I believe that we can adapt our behaviors to accommodate others.
I believe that we can influence others with our encouraging words, and the advice we give.

These days, I try to smile and greet as many veiled women as I can (wearing a niqaab). Sometimes, I can see their eyes smile like with Angela today. I often wonder if these faceless women are socially ignored or avoided due to the ---I will be honest--slightly frightening appearance of all the black veils. We figure they are unreachable, since we can't see them behind the veils.

Phooey--Malarkey--and all those other nonsense words.

I also cannot see you, but here I am speaking to you, because I want to communicate my heart and mind to you. What do you want to communicate to them? I want to communicate love and acceptance.

Let's remember, like my new friends reminded me today, that behind the veil is a woman, like me.
She wants friends and wants to smile, too.
And that Jeep guy just wanted to get to the traffic light.

The ever-losing comparison game

A wise young man that lives with me once said:

Comparison is a game where the other person doesn't even know they are playing and you still can't win.

His name is Trey and I love him. But that isn't the point...

Can you imagine the damage we do to ourselves with the constant comparisons we make with one another? We always lose. Even if we make ourselves "win" by being the on the smarter/more talented/better kids/better job side in the comparison battle, the judging was a bit unfair. A little biased. A little insecure.... The victory is empty.

I have compared myself to others throughout the years of my young, brief life--and found myself too fat in the arms, not good enough of a musician, and not wise enough about Scripture. Of course, my nose, my hair, and my eyes weren't as nice as someone else either.

I am not a great runner and don't look like a model in a bathing suit.
I could lose the comparison battle daily, or...

I can choose not to compare and complain, but be consistently content. 

Contentment breeds peace
            and peace breeds rest
                and rest breeds happiness and fun
                     and happiness breeds beauty that radiates from within--
                          unstoppable, and not in need of special facial creams or hair dyes.

Everlasting beauty.

I encourage you to love yourself and see yourself for your gifts and talents rather than for your failures. We all have both, you know. I have known people who flourished when they stopped worrying about what others might be thinking of them and tried to follow the passions in their heart.

When we take the opinion of others out of the equation, we can more clearly decipher God's direction and His words for us. They are good. You are good. You were created for a purpose, and that purpose is not to try to be someone else.

I would love to know what YOU are good at.
Go ahead. Brag on yourself in the comments---Let's give you the praise you deserve. 
I'll start.............

Godly mothers don't yell "wooop wooooooop" in the kitchen

I want to be inspiring, but what I really am is Me.
Average, with spurts of greatness and dips of boring predictability.
Yet, still wonderful in eyes of God.

He made me.
He has a plan for me, a plan that accounts for my lack of perfection.
I have a use and a purpose in His Kingdom

Can I spill a little secret? I do random, loud, silly things in the privacy of my own kitchen. Sometimes I yell out "wooop woooooop" really loud. Sometimes I sing. Sometimes I make up very spontaneous, not well thought out rhymes for the kids. And it makes me happy!
God, who created me, knows I do these things. I am a just a bit silly.

And, I talk to myself in traffic.

I also love to investigate people's eye problems and try to help them with the practical solutions that I have studied. I have always wanted to be a doctor of some kind since I was a young girl. When I began studying about eyes, all the books made sense to me. I loved learning Science and Math. I hated History, and the only Napoleon I know is Dynamite.
It's like I was designed to be an Eye Doctor--and the more mature I become, the more my gifts show up in my daily life. Some days are wonderful, and I can meet the needs of the patient in front of me by listening, caring, and giving the best eye care and practical solutions for the needs they have. Other days, I am just average. I want to pray that every day I have a chance to be wonderful to someone that needs it by serving another person  in this world. I read this Bible verse in college one time and it grabbed my attention.

1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

Now, the commentaries tell me that this speaks of "spiritual gifts", but my heart heard from God that that day in college that if I have practical giftings, I should share them in the same way--to serve others and show God's grace to others. One of my roles is to be a knowledgeable, and listening eye care provider. To be the blessing that someone has been praying for, or to give an answer someone has been searching for. There are other roles for me as well; other gifts to share with my husband and children---since they aren't nearly as blessed when I put eye drops in their eyes. They prefer the hugs, encouraging words and cookies. Hmm.

But what if I were to try to be more like someone else? Someone I think is better than me or someone I admire. What if I mimic them rather than be fully me? Then the world might miss a unique reflection, a special recipe of the character of God, that would not be shown in my life.

Smart, responsible, Godly mothers don't yell "wooop wooooooop" in the kitchen. And certainly, never eye doctors.
Says who???
I know one who does.

goober mom

* photos are actually of the same woman.....I know you must have some like them of yourself. Minus the Arabic graffiti shirt

eye clinic project for Bedoins

Only listen to what God says about you:

He says you are wonderfully made and desired by Him  (Psalm 139: 14)
He says you have a plan and a purpose in this world (Jeremiah 29:11)
He has a place for you today in this world, with the ability to influence others for good.

He gave you a sense of humor. Maybe an awesome ability to average 20 digits in your brain. Maybe an uncanny ability to speak truth boldly. Perhaps you fix computers? (i need your number...)

I challenge you to find a way you can serve others with the gifts you have been given. See it as a chance to be the hands and feet of Jesus to someone.  It is OK if you feel the need to laugh or be funny, too. Sometimes the word "delight" is actually used in the Bible. It's not all weeping and praying, you know.

How can you be a unique reflection of God today? I would love to know more....

 

Present Perfect

I'm a planner, which makes me great to have on trips. Why, yes, I brought the band-aids and antacid. No, I didn't forget the passports! However, the flip side is that I instinctively plan for the next day, even while I'm in the current day.

...Consequently missing what God might be speaking to me right this minute.

But, I am learning in these days to live in the moment and not to wish that tomorrow was already here or pine away for a yesterday that already was....
TODAY-- I can hear God's voice
TODAY--I can be thankful for something
TODAY--I can help someone and be kind
TODAY--something amazing might just happen

I am reading a book--actually I'm reading my iPhone screen loaded with the text of a book-- called "Present Perfect" by Gregory Boyd.  Here is a quote that caught my attention:

While the true God lives in the now, false gods always live in the past or future.  Chasing them to find our worth and significance always takes us out of the present moment

So, what the author tells me is--God is here with me TODAY.

In light of these new reminders, I took Lora out on my afternoon jog.  I was originally planning on a decent 4-5K with an average pace, backed up by my favorite praise music in the headphones.  Look at sheep, watch the clouds, breathe in/breathe out (holding my breath while passing the sheep pens. Those guys seriously STINK. You know that painting we see with Jesus holding the one lost lamb over his shoulders?  Well, it would almost have to be a miracle man doing that heroic task with the smells he would have endured). The plans changed as Lora continued to ask me when she could go on a jog with me. She had been asking, but I had been postponing.  Today, I realized this bundle of a passionate child wants to go out on a jog with her mommy.  So we...walked with a bit of sprinting. We held hands, we made up songs, we talked about the sheep and dogs. We had fun.
I'm so glad I chose to do what was good for the DAY, not what I had planned to do--while that would have been good for my body, today's choice of jogging with Lora was good for my soul and hers.

Surely tomorrow has another gift for me, if I choose to live in the present and not in the future. Or the past.

I urge you to do the same.

If you need a kick start, pull out the thankfulness card.  Being thankful for your blessings allows your heart to drift towards contentment and away from worry and complaining about the troubles and lack (perceived lack??). If we can stop fretting about what might happen tomorrow, we are able to remember what we actually have today. I read in my "Jesus Calling" devo book that when we worry about tomorrow, we are most likely leaving God out of the imagined scenario. We are thinking about how we can solve a problem in our own strength. We don't sit here today and imagine how God will deliver us or miraculously intervene on our behalf. We don't imagine the peace we'll feel, even though our radiator overheats. But, God will be there with us when it happens. So, let's just live in the present. Canna Getta "AMEN"

Jesus, the Hero. Able to withstand mighty stinks for the love of the sheep

 Psalm 118:24  This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

The Present is Perfect for the Presence of God