I can see some things I do that the girls like. Then, I see how some of my words pierce their heart and wound them. I try to say "sorry" when I see them hurting. Years ago, I was slower to apologize, and now I'm just....less slow. I have a ways to go till Jesus gives me the "well done, good and faithful servant" speech.
I asked each one of the girls a couple of questions.
What do I do for you that makes you feel loved?
What did I do to you that hurt you?
It is not fun to see the ways my wrongs are displayed here, but in all honesty, here we go!
Camryn Leigh
Age 12.5
Nickname Cammie, Cam, Camma Lamma Ding Dong
Q: What is something I did that made you feel loved and happy?A: When you had such a busy week and you still let me throw a party with my friends. You didn't surrender to your tiredness because you wanted to help me and let me have a fun time.
Q: What is one thing you wish I hadn't done
A: When we were all making Christmas cookies together one year and we spilled flour. You got mad and threw a cookie cutter, it broke, and I was scared because I thought you were gonna throw me.
Yes, dear. I am sorry. A big "low five" to mom on that one. Ruin the happy-joy Christmas memories.
Mattie MarcellAge 14
Nickname: Mattie Tattie, Mat
Q: What is something I do that you like? Something that makes you feel loved?
A: When you drive me places. You are willing to do things for me, even though you are busy
Q: What is something that you don't like?
A: That you always want the house clean, and if it's not, you tend to get mad at people.
Shoot. I really do want the house clean, but need to prioritize loving the kids over cleaning.
Both older daughters laughed when they remembered this next incident of overreaction.
Q: What is a time when I overreacted
A: When were all 3 hanging out laundry out on our back balcony. Socks kept flying down below to the neighbor's dog. You got really mad and threw a hanger at the tree. It is still there after 2 years--even through snow, hail, sleet, rain, dust storms, wind --everything!
Great. The proof remains to remind me of my overreaction. Seriously. I see the hanger stuck in the tall cedar tree and giggle now.
Lora Gayle
Age: 9
Nickname: Chicken Wing, Lora Bora
Q: What is something that I do that you like and makes you feel loved?
A: You always spend time with me and make me laugh by saying "woop wooooop!"
Q: What makes you feel sad and when you don't feel loved
A: When you yell at us to do chores and we don't know what to do. You yell at us when we are trying our best.
There goes the chores again. I knew I had been over-emphasizing chores. I like things clean, but I need to like my kids more. Mom Fail--yelling when she is trying to do her best. Ouch.
Lydia AnastasiaAge 7
Nickname: Lyd Squid, Lyddie, Lyds
Q: What makes you feel happy and loved?
A: Well, I like about you that you go on dates and you love us. You make food for us.
Q: What is something I did that made you feel sad?
A: Well, a long time ago you yelled at me that I was the last one to get dressed after school. It made me feel like I was the last one in your heart. It made me sad.
In no way did I intend that. I meant she was last to obey, not last in my heart. But the enemy tricked her into hearing more. Thank goodness we resolved this one right away. I remember this day.
I see where I have missed the mark. I pray to change and become less focused on chores. Not throwing them out altogether, though. Hey--I'm teaching responsibility and respect here, too. But, less yelling would be nice.
I am thankful to see how they feel loved--each one is unique. Some appreciate the acts of service and some appreciate the quality time. I know better how to best spend my love to get the biggest impact. I am certain I need all the help I can get, with all the yelling and throwing I seem to do. I never considered myself much of a thrower, but the times I do leave a bad mark on my reputation.
Do you have questions you can ask your loved ones?
Honest feedback is revealing--it may hurt or sting your self-image, but then you can realize your shortcomings and change. For the better.
Well done, good and faithful servant.That is the prize!
Well said, my Good and Faithful Daughter. What courage it took for you to ask...for them to respond...and for you to listen. And all five of you (six, counting me!)are blessed because of it. I couldn't be any more proud of you if I tried!!
ReplyDeleteJust a side note on "throwing": I think the urge to throw probably started in Elementary School when your class made a cookbook. And your recipes were quite violent. For Example: Baked Potatoes: "STAB" a potato with a fork. "THROW" it in the microwave. "CUT" with a knife.
Love you, my Angel.